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Of a broken heart

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[January 17th, 2008]
today turned out to be a kind of screwed up day, i woke up at 7am and couldnt fall back asleep until like 815 or so, then i slept until 230 . i woke up, went to work and worked all day...but Adam came up to me first thing and told me he had something good to tell me, but didnt want to tell me until the end of the shift...so naturally i went to scott and asked him what was up, and scott told me i was going to become star baker...which is a really good thing. that looks so awesome on your file and it looks good on becoming a manager. so, i was really excited all night, just to find out a different baker got it instead because i havent been a certified baker for 6 months. i think adam, paul and tim should have done their research long before tonight..and scott should have made sure because i was so excited...it seems like i do so much for the company, and i dont get jack in return...what have they ever seriously given me? they let me choose between server and baker, but they knew i was going to pick bakery first because i know they still are way understaffed back there, and im not going to just screw them over. so im not really sure what is going on, scott told me he really wants to get me what i want there, but im honestly not sure what i want to do with the company anymore, its like i dont even know what will make me happy there anymore because ive done so much bad shit there.

[December 6th, 2007]
just when i think things are going so well...one of my "closest friends" has to be the one to fuck me over

[November 25th, 2007]
I have hardly been outside my room in days,
Cos I don't feel that I deserve the sunshine's rays.
The darkness helped until the whiskey wore away,
And it was then I realised the conscience never fades.

When you're young you have this image of your life,
That you'll be scrupulous and one day even make a wife.
And you make boundaries you never dream to cross,
And if you happen to, you'll wake completely lost.

But I will fight for you,
Be sure that I will fight
Until we're the special two once again...

And we will only need each other
We'll bleed together
Our hands will not be taught to hold another's
When we're the special two

And we could only see each other
We'll breathe together
These arms will not be taught to need another's
When we're the special two

I remember someone old once said to me,
That lies will lock you up, with truth the only key.
But I was comfortable and warm inside my shell,
And couldn't see this place could soon become my hell.

So is it better to tell and hurt, or lie to save their face?
Well I guess the answer is don't do it in the first place.
I know I'm not deserving of your trust from you right now,
But if by chance you change your mind,
You know I will not let you down,
When we were the special two and will be again...

And we will only need each other
We'll breathe together
Our hands will not be taught to hold another's
When we're the special two

And we can only see each other
We'll bleed together
These arms will not be taught to need another's
and we're the special two

I'll step ouside my minds eyes, for a minute,
And I look over me like a doctor looking for disease
Or something that could ease the pain.
But nothing cures the hurt that you, bring on by yourself
Just remembering, just remembering how we were

And we would only need each other
We'd breathe together
Our hands would not be taught to hold another's
we were the special two

And we could only see each other
We'd bleed together
These arms will not be taught to need another
'cause we're the special two

[November 22nd, 2007]

Condoms: Yeah....somewhere in there ha ha

Cell phone: my actual cell phone is downstairs, with me but there is one that isnt activated

Chair/stool: yeah a chairrr

Book shelf: yessss

Computer/laptop: computer & a laptop

Bean bag: Nope.

Pictures: Lots.

Mirror um one on the back of my door

Bed: um, duh

Clothes on the floor: omg always lol

Surfboard: no

Smoke detector: yep yep yep

Piano/keyboard/Guitar/bass/drums: ukelele lol somewhereeee

Locking door: um it used to lock but i accidentally broke it ha ha

Bottle of water?: um smartwater ...a few of them lol

Blacklight: No.

candles: a few

CDs soo many lol

Stop sign/any sign: a "fox parking only" one and a miller lite one...aaand a cointreau margarita flag

Real Gun: noopeee

Cigarettes: nope

Any drug: No.

Alcohol: nope nope

Xbox:: yesss and a playstation lol

Stereo/c.d player : Yep.

Television: Yes.

ipod and speakers: yep bose<3

Lighter: a bunch of them because of work

How many windows? One.

What is the color of your walls? a tan ish color

Do you get ready for the day in your room or the bathroom? both

What color is your bed sheet? white

What's on your walls? um i dont feel like writing it all lol

Has the opposite sex been in your room before? Yeah.

Has the opposite sex been on your bed? Yes.

Has the opposite sex slept in your bed? Yeah.

Anyone other than you ever had sex in your bed? nooo way

Who usually sleeps in your bed other than you? um no one i dont really like people to sleep in my room lol


life.. [October 24th, 2007]
its so weird  how people take life for granted...knowing Laurel is gone is such a wake up call and i remember why i hate drinking so much..i dont know if the driver was really drunk, or had been drinking but it stings..it stings so badly to know that Laurel is gone..and although i didnt know her super well i know she was a totally awesome person. at first i didnt even really like her...i first met her @ one of Jarreds softball games like 2 years go with ashley hughes...and i didnt care to talk to her because i was too stubborn..then over the past few years we would see eachother in passing through mutual friends. it sucks to see people you care about so much hurting like this and i cant believe shes gone like that...so fast...

basically what im saying is dont take life or friends for granted ...tell the people you love them that you love them..because you never know what tomorrow brings...and i guess i should live by this rule as well..and from now on i will..life is too short to have drama..its too short to hate someone you were friends with over a stupid guy who isnt worth losing a friendship over...life is too short to worry about the material things...just live every day like its your last

[September 24th, 2007]
im twisted cause one side of me is telling me that i need to move on
on the other side i want to break down and cry

[September 22nd, 2007]
if you think i give a fuck youre so wrong.

its raining and that makes me happy & sad at the same time ha ha

im going to LA to visit Kyle in like 2 weeks while he's in training for his new job...big LA apt all to himself...all expenses paid..i could get used to it ;).. too bad its only for another 2 months. but it means me down there alot im sure! & tim and i went to dinner the other night which was way fun...... so thats about it for now..



[September 7th, 2007]
i really like him :) :) :)

this could be good !!

[September 7th, 2007]

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